Understand their Frame of Reference: Mitch Fairrais

Show Notes

Do you understand their frame of reference?
Your Frame of reference is not their frame of reference

Episode 225 (Mitch is based in Oakville, Canada)

In this conversation with Mitch Fairrais we explore:

• Understanding our frame of reference and how it was formed


• The challenge of stepping into the frame of others


• The difference between a dialogue and the monologue


• How can you understand their reality


• How to explore their reality without attacking them


• Why and how to hear their voice


• Encouraging phrases to use with your team


• Recognize your inclination to judge and how to put that on hold


• The role of leadership vulnerability


• The danger of believing in all your "shoulds"

About our guest, Mitch Fairrais:

Mitch works with senior leadership teams to help them develop their communication and leadership skills.

He holds a high level of skepticism about many aspects of conventional corporate wisdom.

He is a founder of Socks for Souls Canada, a non-profit that provides unhoused people with warmth, comfort, dignity, mobility and health through new socks.

You can learn more about his training and coaching programs at:

https://www.onthemark.ca/

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Excerpts from this conversation with Mitch Fairrais:

You and I, and every leader on the planet lives with some level of being very much caught in their own frame of reference.

Our own upbringing, our own algorithms that have caused us success. How we've dealt with things, our own beliefs, our own values. There are a number of things that each of us comes to any circumstance with and any interaction with, and it's our frame of reference that we cling to, because it's all we know.

And it's very difficult for most human beings to actually step into the frame of reference of others, which, if you ask me, is the single most important skill that any leader could possess, beyond basic language skills or some math skills, some basic skills like that.

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Anyone who says to me, "I know how you feel" if I am 1000 human beings out of 1000 human beings being pulled I'm saying I doubt it. I don't think you do.

And for anyone to even suggest that they get how someone else views the world is almost ludicrous, because our frames of reference are so different that odds are, if I'm wise,

I should go in assuming that your frame of reference is going to be wildly different than mine, because you've grown up differently, you know, maybe have come from a different family background, maybe different part of the world than I know, many different things.

And I should assume as a starting point I have no idea what your frame of reference is, unless we've got lots of history. Even then, I want to on any given circumstance, on any given issue, explore what your views are, how you feel about how you're looking at anything that we are talking about in any given moment, even if I've known you for the last 20 years.

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